Robert Scoble is a blogger and technical evangelist who also does something I know a bit about, web video.  My wife CAT and I met Robert in person at a podcasting conference called New Media Expo in 2008.  We were all speakers at that conference.

Earlier this year my wife, who is VP of Enterprise Architecture at a large well known company in NYC, had some dealings with Rackspace which is where Robert works.  Because we met at New Media Expo she was able to e-mail him and smooth out some business problems.  It’s crazy but that’s how this new social media thing works.  Because we do a knitting show, Rackspace got some potential business.  The connections are not always obvious.

I point out all the above so you can know exactly where I was coming from when I clicked “Add as friend” on Robert Scoble’s Facebook profile.  After I clicked I got this:

OK, I’ve met Robert personally so this is some kind of mistake.  I go to the help center to resolve the problem.  I get this:

Huh?  This doesn’t sound like a way to resolve the problem.  It actually sounds like a reprimand.  Let’s take this a step at a time.  I’m going to be very detailed about my personal Facebook account statistics to give the discussion the proper context, so please bear with me.  Facebook says:

Facebook is a place for connecting with friends, family and other people you know personally.

Is that what Facebook is for?  I’m not sure how fan pages, online games, corporate products, and companies, etc. fit into that limited definition but, OK… Let’s accept that narrow frame for the sake of discussing what follows.  I’m sure that’s the entire purpose of this introductory sentence.

If you’ve been prevented from adding friends on Facebook, it’s likely because many friend requests you’ve sent recently have gone unanswered.

I have a few friend requests (12 out of 173 total) that have gone unanswered but none of them have been even close to recent.  I actually forgot about most of them until I looked just now.  It’s also less than seven percent of the total, not even close to spammer territory so I doubt that’s the problem.

This may be because you’ve sent friend requests to strangers,

I haven’t but OK… Let’s figure this out specifically.  I just checked.  The last person I friended on Facebook was my roommate from collage.  This was maybe a week and ½ ago.  He accepted almost instantly.  I guess he remembered me.  Before that?  I don’t know.  It was probably two or three weeks ago.  I’m extremely conservative about who I friend on Facebook compared to other social networks.  If I had to guess I maybe click on “Add as friend” two or three times a month.  Out of my current 161 friends, I’ve met every single one personally except for nine.  Basically I don’t friend anyone unless we’ve met in person at least once.  The exceptions are, if we are likely to meet for some reason in the near future, or if we’ve known each other online for a very long time (like years.)

This brings up a deeper question though:

How does Facebook know if I know someone?

Does Facebook assume that if one of my friend requests goes unanswered for a period of time that I don’t know that person?  That’s a pretty big assumption on their part.  (Note to self:  I’ll have to remember to call my father-in-law on the phone and demand he respond to my Facebook friend request I sent three months ago.)

Also, does Facebook assume I don’t know somebody if they deny my friend request?  I don’t know how many friend requests I’ve had denied but it can’t be that many.  Different people use Facebook different ways, some restrict it only to family, or only friends from collage… Some accept everyone who clicks on their profile.  Certainly they understand this at Facebook, right?  A denied friend request simply means that you don’t fit the other person’s filter.  (Or maybe they just don’t remember you.  High School was a looooong time ago.)

Does Facebook think I’m a spammer?

I’m extremely conservative about who I friend, certainly when compared to many of my friends who are podcasters, web video creators, or otherwise on the vanguard of the social media scene.  They have thousands of “friends.”  I have 161 and make maybe two or three friend requests a month.  Spammer?  Not even in the same universe.

OK, let’s get back to Facebook’s message to me.  This is where it starts to get darker:

…or it may be due to other behavior that Facebook members have reported as unwelcome.

What the heck does that mean?  OK… I’m sure the last person I friended (my collage roommate) didn’t badmouthed me to “The Friend Police.”  But now I’m thinking.  Who of my friends would go behind my back and complain?  I look over the list.  Well there’s this one guy – I had a fight with him once in collage.  Oh, and then there’s this girl – She used to kick me in grade school.  Maybe one of them complained?

Shame on you Facebook.  This bit is downright evil.  “Other unwelcome behavior” should really be dealt with specifically and not as vague innuendo implicating my friends.

I want to know what the issue is!

If Facebook is going to scold it’s users for bad behavior, it doesn’t make any sense to make the issue vague.  Why treat regular users like spammers and then give them no way to resolve whatever the problem is?  It just doesn’t make any sense.

You’ll be allowed to add friends again soon.

Soon?  How soon is soon.  An hour?  A day?  A month?  When can I have new friends?

At that time, please remember to only send friend requests to people who you already know personally.

OK, now you’re starting to sound mean and arrogant, but you’re a big faceless corporation so I’ll try to ignore it.

Otherwise, additional limits may be placed on your account.

Wait a minute…  Did Facebook just threaten to cut me off from my friends online?  Based on what?  Because their pathetic algorithm says I’m a spammer?  And I have no recourse?  Are these people MY friends?  Or are they Facebook’s friends?

Is Facebook becoming too powerful?

Some time ago internet entrepreneur and blogger Jason Calicanis closed his facebook account in protest.   He did it live on episode #53 of his show This Week In Startups.  (Discussion of deleting Facebook starts at the beginning of the show, the actual process starts at about 13:45)

You can read about his reasons for doing this in his blog.

In the video at about 33:48, just as he finishes deleting his account Jason says something very telling.  He says, “How you write these dialog screens is how you get judged in this industry.”

I agree.  Which is why I went into great detail above.

Around the same time technology broadcaster, author, and entrepreneur Leo Laporte also left Facebook behind.

Recently however, Leo came back to Facebook mainly because he needed a Facebook account for his work.  He reviews software and sometimes needs a Facebook account to use that software.  (I looked for a reference link where Leo stated his reason, but couldn’t find one.  I think I heard him say it on TWiT Live in between one of the show tapings.)  Leo’s dilemma only illustrates the problem.  Facebook is a giant now.  I know many people (including myself) who can’t leave Facebook mainly because that’s where all the people are, especially non-tech people.  Getting all your friends to move over to another service would be impossible and Facebook knows it.  In the future I’m sure things will be more open but right now they aren’t.

So…

Is Robert Scoble my “friend?”

I don’t know.  I guess that’s up to Robert.  Like everyone, I’m sure he has his own filter for who he friends and who he doesn’t.  If we both agree then we will be “Facebook friends.”

…and that’s the way it should be because:

Facebook should not be able to decide who can be friends!

What do you think?  Have you had trouble friending people on Facebook?  Are you dependent on your Facebook friend connections?  Leave a comment.